Just in case a few of my newly found old friends find this journal via Facebook, I thought I needed a "sticky" post with instructions on how to gain access to my brilliant prose contained within this digital journal.

Anyone who would like to be "friended" and granted an ALL ACCESS pass to Shay, please comment below letting me know who you are. Once upon a time my journal was public, then along came a troll and I had to shut the door, only allowing a select few to enter. (I sound so very exclusive don't I?)

My entries are pretty mundane and are mostly about my family and writing.

*waves at new/old Facebook friendos*

While my brain is processing a potential new story idea, I'm re-hashing the novels of writing days passed. Novel number one is a complete mess, so it shall not ever see the light of day. (except maybe an excerpt in one of those funny writing memes so you can poke fun at it) Novel number two might be resurrected with the appropriate amount of mouth to mouth. It has a complete awesome outline with many plot points. The prose needs to be spit shined a bit, but with the right amount of attention, it might be query worthy. (OMG, I used the "Q" word)

I won't bore you with novels three through seven. They will see their day in the sun eventually. I'm going to play with each one to see if I can breath new life into them. I think it would be a shame for all those words to just lie dormant on a hard drive, never having the chance to spread their wings and soar.

My writing goal for this year is to spend at least a hour a day writing. (if possible two hours) So far, I've been slacking, blowing my word wad on Twitter. (how I love it so!) This weekend I am taking positive steps toward my goal. Novel two has been printed and I'm going to search my many notebooks for the original outline. After I get Nate calmed down and in bed, I shall read novel two and take notes. (Novel two is Edge of a Dream, formerly Open Vein)

How many old novels do you have in your closet? :P

I want to read more this year. I'm not sure how much I read last year, because I didn't keep track like I usually do. 2009 was a rough year for me, with many ups and downs. I'm hoping 2010 is better.

One book I want to read this year is The Road by Cormac McCarthy. My friend Sara read it and said it changed her. I know it has the potential to be devastating, but I like that quality in books. (I need to continue with my Suzanne Brockmann reading too)

Are there any other books I must read this year? Please leave suggestions in the comments.

I like lots of different genres from literary to urban fantasy. (even non-fiction)

Nick complained about the many boxes of books he had to carry when we moved into the new house. I will be buying book shelves this month so I can unpack my collection.

I was lucky enough to win a couple of ARCs several months ago, Captivate by Carrie Jones and Battle of the Network Zombies by Mark Henry. I've finished both of them and I come bearing reviews of each.

Captivate reached my hot little hands first, so shall it be reviewed first. It is the next installment in Carrie Jone's pixie series. (if you haven't read the first book in the series, Need, please go do it now!) These aren't your Disney pixies, these are much edgier. Zara is back, as are her close friends. They are facing a new challenge and a new group of pixies drawn to the area, including a pixie King determined to make Zara his Queen. Zara must make an important choice that has the potential to change her future. I zipped through Captivate, eager to find out what would happen next. I think Carrie has written another winner and I can't wait till the next book comes out.

Battle of the Network Zombies is the third in Mark Henry's Amanda Feral series. It has vampires, zombies, and yetis OH MY! Amanda is back and in dire straits. Her company is going bankrupt and she is having man troubles. Then along comes reality television, the answer to her prayers. (as if she would pray) When a snag threatens to derail Amanda's reality television debut, she takes the bull by the horns and saves the day. Henry hit my raunchy funny bone and I think this might be my favorite Amanda tale. (I am partial to yetis) I especially liked the mystery aspects and trying to figure out who did what and why.

I recommend both of these books as money well spent. Go forth and buy! Captivate is available now and Battle of the Network Zombies will be available on February 23rd.

P.S. Look for the review of One the Edge by Ilona Andrews coming soon.

People who know me well are familiar with my stance on the holidays. I don't care for the season and the faster it passes the better.

This year was different.

This year, something strange happened.

It began the Tuesday before the big day. I was sitting in my car, eating lunch in the parking lot at work, like I do often, while reading my Twitter list. There in amongst the mundane hourly updates and LOL cat links, there was a tweet from my favorite podcast, TBTL. I followed the cyber thread and learned Luke, the host, was planning a holiday song dedication show.

An idea was born.

I would contact Mr. Burbank and make a dedication to my father. Then if my voice mail was lucky enough to be included, I would burn it for my dad and give it to him for Christmas.

Tuesday slowly ticked into Wednesday and the hours of Wednesday ticked by till at last the podcast was ready to be downloaded. It contained some great Christmas music, a mix of the rarely heard and the old standards. Twenty minutes in, after Mariah's version of "All I Want For Christmas Is You," was my voice begging the TBTL crew to play my dedication to my dad. Tears welled up in my eyes and as they say about our favorite fuzzy, green guy, my heart grew three sizes that day. I couldn't wait for work to end and Thursday to come. I was going to go shopping on Christmas Eve and buy gifts for everyone in my family.

My brain, famous for scathingly brilliant ideas, thought of a scheme where poor little old me could afford to give 20 people gifts for Christmas and not break the bank. There would be toys for Izzy, Nate, and Jacobii of course, and burned CDs for my dad. The rest of the gifts would be things gathered from the bargain aisle at Wal-Mart. I would wrap them all up and put them in a festive bag and let my relatives reach in and choose their gift.

I was giddy as pre-teen boy just discovering what his genitals will do. Bouncing from one foot to the other, I couldn't wait till the evening descended and our Christmas Eve celebration began.

Dad was the first to encounter my Christmas transformation. I presented him with the CDs and instructed him to play the one with the holiday music first. He was half-way listening, not really appreciating the Flaming Lips and their Christmas zoo song. I forced him to stick it out for Mariah, then the moment came. My voice echoed from the speakers filling the computer room. Dad didn't realize it was me. He chuckled about the girl's father's obsession with Elvis, not getting he was laughing at himself. The first notes of "Blue Christmas" began and he noticed the tears in my eyes.

"That was me dad. I called the podcast and dedicated that song to you."

He forced me to rewind the dedication, then hugged me close, telling me what a fabulous gift I had given him. It was all I could do not to have a full blown emotional melt down.

The grab bag session went well, and my family knowing me, enjoyed their bounty.

It was a Christmas miracle.

Where did the year go? Can someone please tell me? I blinked and the year was history. In fact, the decade passed quicker than I think it should have.

Ten years ago tonight...

I was celebrating 2000 with my neighbors and kids. We decorated the living room with blue and silver balloons and streamers. I made tons of finger food and my ex got so drunk he was passed out in the bathtub when the ball dropped.

I remember thinking all the b.s. about Y2K was b.s. I wasn't online then. I didn't even own a computer. I was writing though, putting my story ideas on obscure bits of paper.

I will not mourn 2009, for it was a trying year for me. I will embrace 2010 with open arms and hold it close. This will be my year. Last year, I finished a novel. This year I will edit one and maybe lose my fear of failure.

No resolutions for me. I always break them. Instead I will make predictions.

I predict in 2010, I will live a healthier life. The year will pass just as quickly as the previous one, but I shall shed copious amounts of weight.

In 2010, I the Great Shay see, myself writing a query letter to a variety of agents. This act will cause me much relief and much stress as I will begin obsessively checking my email for responses.

2010 will be a year of love for the Shay. I will embrace many, especially myself. No, I won't get back in the dating game, but I won't be totally against having dinner and a movie with someone. (they must be a pretty special someone cause I'm a pretty special someone)

There will be travel in 2010. I see Shay traveling great distances, possibly even to Georgia and maybe even beyond.

Laughter will ring through the walls of Shay's new home and everyone who enters will feel the warm of her heart.
(why am I talking about myself in third person?)

Feel free to add your predictions for 2010 in the comments!

Happy New Year Everyone!

P.S. I plan on bringing in the new year writing so that I will spend the entire year writing.

Today I'm having a crisis of relevance, as in how am I relevant in the grand scheme of the universe. I wonder sometimes what mark my life has made and if I have made a difference.

Deep thoughts for a Tuesday afternoon. I blame the emo music I listen to. The alt-pop music defense that doesn't hold up in court. (it is right up there with my editor made me do it)

In reality, it is a symptom of gaining age. The closer we get to the grave the more introspection we have. (hypothesizing here of course since I'm a good 30 years from a clay bed)

I need to stop wasting time watching reality television and following train wrecks on the net.

New mantra for 2010:WWPWD? (what would Pete Wentz Do?) It was depressing to read how much he is missing performing and how FOB is over. I haven't even sang yet!

Now work, which sucks so much right now. I'm back in Jimmy's department. He asked me last week why my hair isn't cute anymore. *headdesk* My only saving grace is music via Pandora on my BlackBerry. I would die without it.

Hello Followers!

I just noticed the lack of recent twitter feed posts. I locked my stream to protect myself from prying co-workers. No one has found me on Twitter yet, but I feel more comfortable with a non-public stream. Anyone who misses my 140 character missives is free to follow me (cricketshay on twitter)

My life has been a series of battles lately.

I'm trying to keep myself going at work and trying to make it through the holidays at home. I detest (loathe even) Christmas. I don't dislike the Christan side of things so much, but rather the consumerism side of it. Five years ago I gave up giving gifts on Christmas and just starting buying things for people year round. When I see something I think someone I love will like, I buy it for them and give it to them. I don't save it up for once a year. This kind of sucks for the kids, who have to go to school and hear about the load of gifts their peers receive. But it makes me happier. (though people tend to look at me strangely when I tell them I don't celebrate Christmas by buying gifts)

Today's battle is with a massive migraine. I think I might be winning because I can use the computer without wanting to throw up.

(I had so much more to say five minutes ago)

Love to all,

Shay

P.S. Me and Courtney have decided to label penises "the situation" after watching The Jersey Shore on MTV. For those who aren't reality television addicts, there is a guy on the show who calls himself "the situation." Yeah, he acts kinda like a dick.

Explaining chronic pain to someone who has never experienced it is hard. They have never felt it and have nothing to compare it to. I realized this fun fact tonight at work.

When I am in extreme pain, I make noises when I get up or start walking. It is subconscious and most of the time I don't notice I'm doing it. A co-worker heard me and freaked out.

"That doesn't sound good. Are you o.k.? What is wrong with you?"

She knows my diagnosis and that I suffer from RA and fibro, yet she didn't connect that to why it hurts for me to stand or walk sometimes. When I mentioned it was normal for me, I could see the pity in her eyes.

I'm getting worse and will never get better. I have accepted that and strive to do all I can while I still can. Walking and driving is rough sometimes. Even tying my shoes can be a trial.

I noticed my wardrobe is changing as my illness progresses. I wear shoes I can slip on, no tying required. I have switched to t-shirts and sweats, no fumbling with buttons and zippers. It takes me longer to shower and wash my hair too.

I wish there was an easy way to convey my limitations to others without sounding pathetic or whiny. Feel free to make suggestions. :)

I will stress again that I have made peace with it and I try to find joy everday, even on the days it hurts to breath let alone walk. On those days I manage, one careful, deliberate step at a time.

The job change threw me off my game and I haven't written more than 300 words this past week. Between the stress of the new schedule and the physical nature of my new assignment, I've been a puddle of pain. Swollen hands make typing a bitch. Today I am leaping back on the proverbial horse and exercising my writing muscles.

When I last visited my characters, they were discussing a porn their dead friend starred in close to the end of her marriage. I've sure there is a poorly written flashback involved. My brain was unraveling close to the end of the retreat. The proof is in the pirates and zombies I added to a woman's fiction novel.

*headdesk*

The fact this depressing novel filled with drug addiction, suicide, and rape was written while listening to Fall Out Boy amuses me. My novel is more depressing than it's soundtrack. :P

Yes, I'm still obsessed. I am convinced there isn't a situation that Fall Out Boy doesn't have a song for. (I'm starting to wonder if my obsession isn't about the music and is more about the boys playing the music. I am a freak.)

and lastly, my past has caught up with me via Facebook. An old friend found and added me. This of course created the avalanche of "if you know this person you might also know this one." My current life and my previous one are merging. I'm not sure how I feel about this. It is a bit strange.